Holiday from Hell

I'm just landed back in the US after what was, hands down, our worst vacation ever. It was supposed to be a nice week in the UK with family, a week in Normandy with the kids to speak French and then home. But everything went wrong. We knew things were going to be funky when we tried to do all the flying on frequent flier miles and could only get coach seats with extra stops on inconvenient days, including red-eye legs. And we knew that I wouldn't have Internet access in France (scary!). But it got oh so much worse.

I'll just list some of the catastrophes and you'll get a sense of my last 19 days. First, that weird rash I had on my arm just before we left turned out to be Lyme Disease (from a tick bite three days earlier). Fortunately the rash looked like a blood infection in the hours before we got on the plane so I went to the ER and they gave me an antibiotic prescription, which happens to be the same way you treat Lyme Disease. So there was nothing to do but just suffer what turned into a full-body rash, a fever, flu symptoms and chronic joint pain. But that lasted for ten days, during which I was just useless.

Then there was the small matter of the rain. It rained Every. Single. Day. For 19 days. It rained in England (widespread flooding, and the wettest June in history). It rained in France (also the wettest June in history, and a good start on the wettest July). When we got back to England, it rained some more. Those of you who tried to watch Wimbledon have a sense of what it was like.

Then the airlines lost our luggage TWICE. Once permanently. We had to wear the same clothes for two week and share two toothbrushes between six people. (Yes, I know we could have bought more toothbrushes, but they were eight euros each at the airport and we refused on principle).

Then the youngest girl got head lice.

Then airports were attacked in the UK, so every check-in turned into a two-hour ordeal.

The kids refused to speak French. Indeed, despite a whole week of drilling in that very country, the youngest one still couldn't even remember the word French.

Now I'm at the airline lounge in Boston, waiting six and half hours for my flight home to San Francisco.

The only good that came from this fiasco is that it was so decisively terrible that I may never have to go for a whole-family vacation in Europe again. It's road trips to Tahoe and the beach from now on. Hurray!

Comments

[joanna pearlstein]

I thought I'd had some bad travel luck lately (significant problems with every one of the six flights I took in a month), Chris, but you win. Wow. Sorry to hear that.

[Michele Miller]

Oh yeah. Chris, you win the Travel Nightmare of the Year award. Holy cow. But just know you gave us all a very entertaining blog post! Here's to road trips and wireless internet access!

[Dave B]

I've come to believe that kids never practice foreign languages overseas because they're afraid of looking stupid. Parents are *used* to looking stupid, so we happily blunder ahead with our Lingua Touristica, ignoring the locals' rolled eyeballs.

As for the bad vacation, take solace in the fact it will produce more family hilarity in decades to come than all your good trips put together. Shared jokes are worth some rain and lost luggage.

[Fred]

Wasn't that a Chevy Chase movie?

[Douglas Karr]

Vacation? You get vacations?

Lucky bastard!

[Harsha Raghavan]

BOY, that is hard! I'm happy to come by Logan and drop off some goodies to make you and your poor family feel better!!!

My trip to India (20 hours nonetheless) was less terrible..............!

Harsha

[Yehuda Berlinger]

Chris,

I'm currently posting my backlog of posts about my own vacation to England over the last few weeks - many of the same experiences as yours of course, from incessant rain to ridiculous transport delays owing to the terror attacks.

We had the worst timing in history. The only time we could see a play in London in the afternoon was the only day, period, that they had no matinees. The only three days that absolutely nothing was happening in York were the only three days that we were there.

Add to that a four hour plane ride from Glasgow to Heathrow - gas leaks at Heathrow, miscounted luggage, three hours late in picking up my 14 year old daughter flying for the first time - and four hours of public transport from central London to the outskirts the next day - emergency evacuated subway stations, missed buses, etc - and you have An Ordeal.

I also got sick during my entire stay on the Isle of Skye and saw mostly the view out the window (a nice view, nonetheless).

Despite all this, we had a good time, and Scotland was lovely. Next time, skip England and go straight to Scotland.

Yehuda

[Mary Warner]

Many sympathies to you. Hope the Lyme's is all cleared up.

[Kevin Smokler]

That is beyond awful. My sympathies. In spades.

[Geoff]

Poor you :-( and which country did that did that tick come from I wonder :-)

[blooflame]

Tahoe!?
With your luck you would have arrived there at the beginning of the wildfires, and they would have burned whatever your means of return was.

Seriously, I hope I never have a vacation like yours.

[cdub]

think positive !

[Jimmy]

Having a great time in Europe comes down to planning. Rain shouldn't even matter.

Also, trying to get away dirt cheap will guarantee you a less than satisfactory vacation, especially with children, anywhere in the world.

[Rob Blackie]

Really sorry to hear about your visit to Britain. If you'd come in April it was positively tropical... global warming seems to be making our weather crazy.

If you ever do come back to Britain let us know and we'll lay on umbrellas for you.

[Paul Morriss]

All I can say is the rain and the terrorism aren't normally that bad. It's worth trying again if you can face it.

[Mark Harrison]

If it's any consolation, speaking as someone in (suddenly sunny) England, the worst airline experiences I ever had were when Continental misplaced my luggage somewhere between New York and Houston. It finally turned up the following day in Belize, but to this day I still own clothes bought in the Disney Store at Houston airport.

To be fair on them, Continental gave us complimentary washbags as a "no idea where your luggage is, how can we help!"

Fortunately, this was in the days before we had kids!

[Sundarlal Chuddha]

It also sounds like there is nobody that you can sue for this unjustice...too bad

[Flavio Saldanha]

Hi Chris,

Poor boy!!
forget this bad experience and, please, come to Brazil!! the trip does not take so long and You and your family will enjoy a lot.

Brazil is a beautiful country , good people, great food and restaurants. Well just think Brazil for your next trip. I believe that your kids will learn and practice Portuguese faster than you think.

C`ya!!

Flavio

[William Koplitz]

You didn't get shot.

[M. L.]

Please, stay in the states...

[Annie Moriyasu]

Definitely a Chevy Chase movie crossed with John Candy and Steve Martin "Planes, Trains..." I will never complain about mine ever again. As Molly Bolt's mother said, "worse things happen to nicer people."

[Annie Moriyasu]

PS: Thanks fer the Monday morning larf!

[Hev]

You're stinking rich, you can't buy your children and wife normal tickets and clothes like a man? Are you nuts? Your wife should make the plans next time. Obviously you are incapable of predicting what would've happened, you don't travel to England in July and expect nice weather, and you don't fly coach. Boo hoo, I'm crying a river for you.

[Sheila]

Sharing toothbrushes is disgusting! But at seven Euros a pop...sure makes economic sense.

[Irene]

Keep an eye out for long term effects from Lyme disease. Read everything you can about it and do anything preventive. Thanks for changing your sidebar. Your sense of humor is a saving grace. NextFest next!